Corso Inglese – Film – The Columbus Bet – A Kitchen Farce – Italian Style!
Luigi, a stranger in a strange land, dreamed the American dream. The promised land was not, however, paved with gold. So after a Night at the Opera, Luigi decided to spend a Day at the Races. This romantic facade, unfortunately, did not sit well with his wife Isabella, his son Roberto and his daughter Gina.
Written, produced and directed by Vincent Torrieri
Gina: Roberto, what are you doing home so soon?
Roberto: What else am I suppose to do? (sarcastic)
Gina: I’d thought you’d be working at least until six.
Roberto: Not anymore.
Gina: Why what happened?
Roberto:
Our wonderful father. And he told me to throw away the power drill. He took the power drill out of my hand and he said You don’t have to work no more. And the Boss sees this and he wants to know what’s going on? So you know what he said to him?
Gina: No what?
Roberto:
Daddy told him he should worry more about his wife and not me because she’s been sleeping around with everybody in town. Ha, ha. It’s funny? You know that was the end of me. I was fired on the spot!
Isabella: Matto, matto. Noi siamo proprio finiti.
Gina: Ma, what happened?
Isabella:
I went to the bank to pay the telephone bill. The Lady said the cheque is no good. I said but how’s that possible? She said there’s no money in the account. She said your father took out all the money. Fifteen Thousand Dollars! He took out all the money! Why? Why?!
He’s having an affair. I know he’s having an affair. He left us.
Gina: Oh, my God. First he gets Roberto fired and now this.
Isabella: Why did you get fired?
Roberto:
Ma, it wasn’t my fault! It was Dad. He came to the shop. He told my Boss that his wife was sleeping with another man.
Isabella:
Well of course she’s sleeping with other men. She’s on television. What do you want? But why did he have to go and tell him? He should mind his own business.
Luigi is sleeping with your Boss’s wife.
Gina: Oh, ma don’t you be crazy too. What affair?
Isabella: I don’t know. I’m gonna kill him.
Luigi: Buona sera. Buona sera.
Isabella: Louie! What did you do with my fifteen thousand dollars? The money!
Luigi: Your fifteen thousand? Isabella zitta.
Gina: Pa. Are you sick?
Luigi: No, I’m ok. We’re all ok. We’ll be millionaires.
Isabella: Oh, yeah. Millionaires. Then give me back my $15,000.
Luigi: Be quiet. I’m the Boss. I’m in charge.
Isabella: Then tell what you did with the money?
Luigi: I spend it.
Isabella: All of it?
Luigi: All of it.
Roberto: Pa, what did you spend it on?
Luigi: On three horses.
Isabella:
We can’t pay the bills and you spend all the money on an animal? What are we going to do with three horses? Where are we going to put them all?
Luigi: Isabella, don’t worry. We are millionaires. No, no. Cristoforo told me to play on the three horses.
Isabella: Cristoforo?
Luigi: Cristoforo Colombo.
Isabella: You crazy. He’s dead. When did you speak to Cristoforo Colombo?
Luigi:
Cristoforo Colombo told me in a dream a couple of months ago, that I would be a millionaire if played the three horses that helped him to discover America.
I’m not going to get mad. Listen to me. Cristoforo always tells me the truth. I cannot laugh or cry. Because if I laugh I want to cry and if I cry I want to laugh.
Isabella: You spent all of our money on a dream you had months ago.
Luigi:
Of course. Look at today’s newspaper. Three different races and three different horses. I understood what Cristoforo was telling me. On the first race, the horse is called La Pinta. On the second, La Nina. And of course on the third one …
TELEPHONE RING
Roberto: Hello. Pa. It’s some guy named Antonio.
Luigi: I told him to call me. What did he say?
Roberto: Pa. Pa. The first horse you bet on. The Pinta. It won! It won! Yeah ok (to Antonio) You call us back.
Gina: Here’s your wine Daddy.
Isabella: How much we win?
Luigi: I asked Cristoforo …
Gina: It was him? Cristoforo?
Luigi: He told me it was my destiny. He told me to bet on the three horses and I would be a Signore. A Don.
Roberto: What a good guy!
Isabella: How much we win with the first horse?
Roberto: Nothing!
Gina: Nothing?
Luigi: It’s the win three. Five Thousand Dollars each horse. We only win if all three horses win.
Isabella:
Nobody wins three times. One horse is already grande fortuna. Why did you have to spend it for all three? Fifteen Thousand Dollars thrown away. Via! Via!
TELEPHONE RING
Luigi: Cristofor wasn’t kidding.
Roberto:
Hello? Antonio! Pa. Your second horse. La Nina! It won! He says he’s in the telephone booth. He’s down to his last quarter.
Luigi: Tell him to call collect. We are millionaires. We can accept the charge.
HORSE SOUND
Luigi: Cristoforo Colombo says the three numbers mean …
TELEPHONE RING
Roberto: Hello! Yeah, yeah. I’ll accept the charge. What? We won! We’re millionaires!!!
Isabella: Ho vinto!
Gina: We won! How much did we win?
Roberto: Fourteen Million Nine Hundred and Twenty Thousand Dollars!
ALL: What’s the matter? We won!
Luigi: Cristoforo Colombo told me, La Nina, La Pinta, La Santa Maria means I’m gonna die!
ALL: Nooo!
Luigi: I’m going to die … next Sunday at one pm.
